There Is So Much In The Air

Well if 2020 wasn't already a challenge and to many a blindside, there is also an American election on Tuesday and I'm worried.  I'm worried for all of the obvious reasons but mostly for the unrest this will all cause.  I've already decided NOT to watch any of it on TV.  In 2016 I woke up with one of the sickest feelings I'd ever experienced.  I woke up sick that morning in November 2016 because of the massive division, violence and unrest.  It has only grown. Everyone came together so humanitarianly after 9-11.  We helped, held and looked after each other, but look what has transpired.  Who would ever guess that the great super power country would be on the brink of civil war.  Who would have ever guessed that the ugly spread of misinformation and that the assault of truth would be at the forefront.  I will stay low and be in prayer this weekend.  Yes, I live in Canada, but the sepsis is seeping over our boarder.  Evil unleashed. Maybe it will work out.  Maybe one day there will be some normalcy again. Maybe one day there will be diplomacy and integrity and empathy again. The fish rots from the head down.  Where this will go nobody knows.  It could be the very end or it could be a pleasant blindside. It's in God's hands.  

I love being a Fire Wife!

 This past year my firefighter and I celebrated 26 years of marriage.  I am so proud of the life that we've built together.  I'm even more proud that we are in the stage of what I call in my book, Fire Wife, "The Juicy Peach" stage. 

 I call it the juicy peach stage because the actual peach tree is a very sensitive one and takes real tend, trial and error.  More often than not it takes YEARS before those juicy peaches start to even show up on those branches.  Doesn't that sound like a marriage to you?

While some couples may have had a smoother relationship together, I do know for certain that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.  All relationships go through rough patches and growing pains and  I am so glad that my hubby and I grew and got through.  

While the EBOOK of Fire Wife is out, I won't actually really launch it until the paperback is out.  There have been significant setbacks that have been totally out of my hands that have caused it's delay, but hopefully not to much longer.  I cannot wait for you to hold it in your hands and read it!  In some ways it's a love letter to you.  It's also a guide for what you can expect to get through and some suggestions, suggestions wrapped in experience, for how to successfully journey through those unique challenges.  

  Once upon a time I did not for a second believe that my husband and I were going to make it.  This fire life can be stifling when you are a freedom lover. You can't be as spontaneous because of shift work and you certainly cannot phone up the chief or the captain when YOU have a problem.  There is procedure and there are processes that must be adhered to and that can be hard. 

 There may have been a messy middle in our marriage as we navigated his new career, but I held onto my dreams too and I think having a solid self and a solid life apart from the department is pivotal to your own happiness.  They say that the fairy tale of a marriage is at the beginning of it but I beg to differ.  The true joy for me with my firefighter is now, when after being married for a long time and knowing how much you've loved each other through thick and thin, you get to this sweet spot...this beautiful place of acceptance and appreciation - you don't try to change each other, you in fact love him just as he is and he you. The Juicy Peach Stage.  You'll find out the other stages of a fire marriage when you read Fire Wife.  

But in the meantime, enjoy some of my blog posts.  You can also visit my website for more reading www.firewifewise.com and don't forget to give me your email on the website so I can email you my newsletter.  I look forward to being a mentor to you if you need and I cannot wait to meet so many of you when this pandemic is over.   Talk soon. XOXO

When Your Son Says, "I want to be a firefighter."

When my eldest son told my husband and I he wanted to be a firefighter, I couldn't sleep that night. Any person who is with a firefighter and in particularly if you've been with a firefighter for a long while, you've seen what it does to them. You know where this is going to go. When my son told me he wanted to be a firefighter, I thought, there is just no preparing him for this. He wakes up today such a happy guy, he is nurturing to his dog and in his volunteer life to people who have no food, delivering groceries, helping friends to build a memorial playground for their deceased daughter and her boyfriend - he is there. But what will this do to him? What will it do to him when he learns that one bad day and night will pile up, layer after layer, after another. How will he go from car wreck and bagging up unidentifiable bodies to home where a happy wife and kids wait for him. Most likely he will just need to walk past them, up to a cool room to watch hours of mind numbing escapism instead of reliving tragedy after tragedy Yes there is the camaraderie, but there is also the initiation. The rookie year - the mental exhaustion of prank after prank; and so much to remember. Oh my God, your memory for chemistry combinations and the science of smoke, air, formulas, water pressure, has to be precise or someone could die.

On hot days I imagine my son in heavy turnout gear, sweating not only under a hot sun, but over hot pavement and hot twisted cars. I imagine my son walking up dozens of flights of stairs in smoky hallways carrying 40 lbs. of equipment.

My uncle was a firefighter.  My husband is a firefighter.  But my son?

Having a firefighter for partner is not easy. In fact, it is usually not the life you signed up for:  "Do you promise to be lonely, deal with moods, or PTSD?  You learn however to either sink or swim. You learn to see the positive (they are an amazing group of people) you learn to live the positive (more good days than bad days)  and you learn to focus on the positive (we are a lucky family with wonderful firefighter friends and support). If you don't, yes, you will sink.   My son believes he has the tools to work through those bad days because he was raised by me. (God I love that boy).  

My mother fears are valid  but they are not my son's. He has his path and most likely he will love his job. Most firefighters do. Even with all that they see, I would say that 99% of the firefighters I know say, "it is the best job on earth." 

We are living in vulnerable times. This is something I probably wouldn't be worrying about as deeply as I am if there wasn't so much angst and worry in the world right now. But I do believe that when fear comes up, we need to face it then ask ourselves if our fears are real or imagined? We are in a time of deep surrender and that can be tough when you are used to running the show!  There are a lot of things out of our hands right now but maybe that's what it is all about. Maybe this is the lesson.

The word TRUST came up for me today. In fact I just got a wonderful comment from another fire wife on my Instagram account that said, "trust in his training" though what she was referring to had nothing to do with my son. Her words however resonated with me. Within the embodiment of trust we have "faith, hope and a positive outlook." Life is good. God is good. Thank you for all of it.

In Times of Crisis - There is Also Opportunity

 We are in times of crisis and challenge but I want you to remember something. Crisis is also a good time for opportunity and if we choose, we can see this time as a gift, hidden or not so hidden and use this time to truly see with clarity that 2020 might just be what we all needed.

We are in a time of remembering both what is important to us and what truly matters when the cards are down. People have also suffered loss. But it is during times like these that I always become aware of just how many good people there are in the world, willing to help, support, care for and come together in unity. (Thank you a million times over to our health care workers, our first responders and to our front line workers that make sure we get fed, are still teaching our children and picking up our garbage.)

And though we are in unchartered times and we don't yet know how all of this will look when this all simmers down, in just 10 seconds, you can change your mind and your heart about how you plan to live today and more importantly, how you will plan to live going forward. Optimism is essential right now.

And by the way, optimism isn't a sugary sweet surface emotion or virtue that ignores what is currently going on in our world. Being optimistic is actually choosing to be realistic. Pessimism will focus on the least likely scenario and optimism focusses on the most likely scenario.

We are in a time of "re-ordered priorities." All those goals and dreams we were at times too busy to manifest, we now have the time. All those times you wished you could just stay home and write that book, well now is your time. All those days you wish you had more time with your family, well, you got it! We are cooking more, not spending as much moola, talking to friends and family remotely and having to be possibly more creative than we ever have before. And toilet paper? Did you ever think that toilet paper would be the hottest commodity in 2020? Did you think you'd ever wear a mask to go and buy groceries?

If you are feeling scared, or alone, and isolated this might be a good time to unearth what could be might be blocking you from your full blossom. Or to ultimately confront what you've been sweeping under the rug, to realize the patterns that have been holding you back. See if you can get assistance from a counsellor or life coach. If that is not possible, there are so many great professionals on YouTube who can certainly cheer you up and help you along. Use this time to practice extreme self-care.

Finally let me tell you what gives us all purpose and comfort as well as happiness during this time...helping others. Find out in your community what you can do. There are the elderly who could use a phone call, or how about new mothers who could use a chin wag over a cup of tea remotely of course. Our homeless also need sandwiches and supplies so give a call to a church in your area to see what you can drop off for their volunteers to distribute.

It's also a good time to focus on GRATITUDE. Science has proven that the practice of gratitude changes your brain chemistry and makes you feel better! It also helps you to see that there are smooth waters ahead.

It is because I know how powerful both Gratitude and Unity is that I've put together a little 30 day gratitude journal I'd love to email you. You can work on it knowing that there are other women from this page working on it right along side you!

Today I am sending you good vibes and lots of love. We will get through this and be better because of it. XOXO

Lessons in Isolation

There is a lot to be concerned about right now - from world economics to more locally small businesses that are suffering as well as human beings, particularly women and children in domestic abuse situations and families who are not getting enough to eat. Yes, there is a lot to worry about.  However, for those of us whose family members are on the front lines, who are still receiving a pay cheque and have benefits if they fall ill, the question I asked myself this morning was, what can I do to help others right now. Whether it be someone who is isolating alone and could use a phone call, or the local food banks that need money and non-perishables, we can all, even if we can't get on the front lines to help, do something. Today I will call some friends who I know are alone. I will also send money to help with the food bank and then order some items from small businesses in my community to do my part in helping them to stay afloat. Times are tough but ask yourself today, what can I do, what is in my control to reach out and do something to help others today. As a fire family it's in our DNA to reach out. If we all do our part, we can help others get through these most challenging times. There is and always will be a gift in everything when we get through this. Let's remember the events of the past and become better for it. God speed my friends. Talk soon. XOXO

It'll All Work Out!

The other day I talked about some resentment that bubbled up for me and was affecting me greatly during this time of sequester.. What I loved about this feeling bubbling up was that it was simply an invitation to deal with something that was obviously bothering me deep down and felt with a big exclamation mark because of the circumstances we are currently in. In my book Fire Wife, Standing Strong in Your Relationship, Your Life and Your Dreams, I talk about blocks that keep us from our authentic, full and happy selves.

So rather than push these feelings down with a reprimand so that I could pretend that my good girl heart doesn't feel these things, I welcomed this feeling to the table with a journal and a pen to work this thing out. For days and for days I wrote out pages and pages of frustration and I was actually surprised at how many pages and for how many days I wrote about my frustrations! But I feel better now and if you are feeling frustrated I know you will too! We are living in really tough times, but there is a gift in everything. Below I've written out 5 ways I returned to both love and peace.


Step 1.  Get it out!  Write it out and do not stop. It might take days and days (of course yes you will go to sleep in between) but just get it out, swear words, anger, resentments and all. Keep in mind that while you are an incredible person, you are still just a human being - equal parts both flawed and fabulous. We all feel bad feelings toward others from time to time - that is normal. What is not normal is holding onto bad feelings. It's bad for your mental, physical, and emotional health and bad for your relationships.  Take charge and write it out!

In taking the time to write I realized after several days that I needed to polish off my feelings of KINDNESS toward this person. I'd lost my way by allowing ego and anger to cloud this very important virtue.

In life there is only either love or fear.

We feel angry and resentful when we have fear. What are you fearing? Loss? The end of your dream as you knew it? Loss of space and privacy in your home?  Determine your fears and then take the time to review why you are feeling fear. When I addressed my fears, I related them to other times in my life when I felt fear, but things worked out better than I imagined in the future. This is when the activity of creating a timeline is a good idea.  Do a timeline of your life and review it because it will reassure you. Note the times when things didn't go well and then take note of the times when they did after you thought they wouldn't.  Our fear is usually in thinking life will not get better. It will!

Step 2.  This is only a test.  My faith plays a big part in my working things out and in the remembering and realizing that this situation will not last forever but IN FACT if I allow this moment in history to positively transform me, and to learn the vital life lessons I need to learn,  not only will I come through it better as a person but with a much brighter and happier perspective about life, love and people in general.  You might not feel positive or happy right now, but trust me, you will not feel this way forever. Take time to pamper yourself in little ways and just keep in mind that you will look back at this time in history and shake your head in amazement for what you endured and got through.

Step 3.  Your loss is temporary. I  remembered a time many years ago when my husband was very ill and I thought that "the good life" as we knew it was over and out. This is just not true. Hope, trust and idealism, particularly in the worst of days, is a big damn deal. And not on a superficial level either. What we are going through is just a life test on the way to even more abundance and prosperity. This is the Law of Attraction and the Law of Compensation. Never lose your hope that you will get double for your trouble in the future. This is not all there is!  After my husband recovered, and after we went through serious emotional and financial trials, not only did we 10 years later, go on a dream trip to Europe, but I finished my book. You will be happy again and life will be better again. Everything you lost will come back to you doubled or even tripled. Just don't lose hope or faith.  Study life laws while you are sequestered. It might be one of the best things you ever do!  Stay the course. Also, study "the greatest generation." These people made it through two world wars and the depression with some of the best inventions coming out of this time. Maybe it's time to dust off your long forgotten great ideas and dreams and do something about them.  See yourself as the comeback kid. Work hard and make the necessary changes to get through these difficult times but don't be too drastic because of panic or worry. Calm your mind with meditation a good walk and keep in mind a positive future vision for good times ahead.

Step 4.  Being sidetracked or blindsided will not change your destiny. Big world changes will not change the universal fact that your life has purpose,  that you have dreams, a bucket list you will complete, or a magnificent destiny. Once again this is just a test. However, it's during these big world tests that you might actually find another purpose for your life.  In my book I talked about my life changing drastically when my husband wanted to be a firefighter when I had plans to finish my media and communications degree.  While I did not get my media and communications degree, I did write a book about my experience as a reluctant fire wife to help other women who needed to live their dreams and have a life of their own too apart from the fire service! When we accept that plan A doesn't always work out and that we sometimes have to be flexible so Plan B, C or D can emerge instead, you will realize that Plan A just means you need Another plan, and B,C and D just means Best Choice Darling! Don't hold on to what was or what you hoped for at the expense of something unexpected but better. The universe does this to all of us sometimes but learning to surrender, learning to accept what is are very important practices for these times. We all have to make editorial changes to our lives from time to time and most of the time it is to prune what never really worked for us in the first place.

Step 5.  Lastly, nothing lasts forever  the good or bad. I told both my sons the other day that these are the good old days. With my 76 year old Mother now living with us - we moved her in almost a year ago and into my once upon a time office space, our two adult sons currently living at home while they save money to buy their respective condos in unaffordable Vancouver, their girlfriends who are over all the time, 2 dogs that have mucked up my hardwood floors, my husband who occupies our bedroom upstairs most of the time to zone out and watch all his red neck shows, and with me, trying to do my writing and work in the middle of the living room with the never ending swirl of activity as I try to think and create, I don't take for granted that I will one day look back at these days and remember them with enormous love and fondness. Are we squished on three floors? Oh yes. Does it take me three times as long to do any writing because of all the noise? Oh yes. But I have worked out my harsher feelings with these 5 steps and have most definitely learned the lessons of the past that we must embrace where we are right now, chaos, uncertainty and all. This will all be a memory one day and like I told my boys, this house is currently a launching pad for everyone's dreams! Life is good. Life will work out. And if you stay the course and stay positive and hopeful, you will be rewarded because the universe's abundant energy flow will be able to "download" itself into your unblocked spirit. It's the way life works.

Paying Attention to Feelings in Times of Sequester

Well life as we know it at this moment in history has certainly changed. We can either look at it as cozy and contented at home or confinement at home! If you are anything like me, possibly without all of the distractions of say shopping, lunch out with the girls, or a browse through the bookstore, thoughts are coming up that you usually suppress with outside distractions. For me I've been surprised by thoughts of resentment that I am having. I kept a happy disposition for the most part and could just run out and replace my resentment with something external and materialistic like a stack of new books - oh how I love my books. But now that we are right here right now unable to run away from our thoughts whatever they may be as there is not much else we can do but just be with ourselves, what might be coming up for you?

Being sequestered or isolated as they say on the news is an invitation to look deep within and address anything that needs addressing?

I realized that my resentment stemmed from feeling overly responsible to others. It is a trait that was bestowed on me since the time I was young and it is now taking it's toll.

This week I personally am going to try shaking feeling overly responsible for others and find a way to balance this out in a healthy feel good way. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this or how it will look but I will report any new insights I find on it!

So what is coming up for you and how would you like to address your feelings to become and feel better about yourself? You deserve to feel optimal my dear Fire Wife! Let's do this! XOXO