Paying Attention to Feelings in Times of Sequester

Well life as we know it at this moment in history has certainly changed. We can either look at it as cozy and contented at home or confinement at home! If you are anything like me, possibly without all of the distractions of say shopping, lunch out with the girls, or a browse through the bookstore, thoughts are coming up that you usually suppress with outside distractions. For me I've been surprised by thoughts of resentment that I am having. I kept a happy disposition for the most part and could just run out and replace my resentment with something external and materialistic like a stack of new books - oh how I love my books. But now that we are right here right now unable to run away from our thoughts whatever they may be as there is not much else we can do but just be with ourselves, what might be coming up for you?

Being sequestered or isolated as they say on the news is an invitation to look deep within and address anything that needs addressing?

I realized that my resentment stemmed from feeling overly responsible to others. It is a trait that was bestowed on me since the time I was young and it is now taking it's toll.

This week I personally am going to try shaking feeling overly responsible for others and find a way to balance this out in a healthy feel good way. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this or how it will look but I will report any new insights I find on it!

So what is coming up for you and how would you like to address your feelings to become and feel better about yourself? You deserve to feel optimal my dear Fire Wife! Let's do this! XOXO

Dreams of Your Own

The trajectory of my life changed drastically when my husband wanted to become a firefighter. I had been going to college to get my media degree when he made this announcement. To say I was unhappy about his choice was an understatement. Since then however, I managed to turn what I perceived as a negative into a positive....and not in a Pollyanna way. I would come to realize that sometimes we aren't in charge of our calling. While I might have wanted to get into the media and communications field, that's not what God had in mind. Let's not forget that God wants us to trust him and he promises that he will turn all of our challenges, our hurt, our disillusionment, our failures, into something GOOD! I see this now. My book, Fire Wife, Indomitable Standing Strong in my Marriage, my Life and my Dreams is soon to be published. I am super proud of it....though I could still add some things and take some things out, it's time to let it go. It is my first book and I've many more to come. So yes, while my life trajectory was changed my goals and dreams morphed into something else, I am still using all of my skills, experience and writing. I am grateful, I am happy and I get it. Grow where you are planted my friend and trust. It'll all work out and even better than you thought it would. Persevere. XO

Finally Getting Back to Normal

Good morning! It's a beautiful day here already on the West Coast! I went to my doctor the other day to get more blood tests to see WHY I CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT! My doctor wrote out a requisition for blood tests and then handed me a prescription for diet pills. Can you believe it? While I'm judging people who've had to take drastic measures, the idea of numbing the pleasure center part of my brain with an anti-depressant seriously horrified me. It horrified me because I'd just had a revelation the week prior that I think women who are overweight are just a whole lot of pleasure with no where to go. In fact I think a woman's natural state needs to be fulfilled with beauty,  adventure and pleasure. If we filled ourselves up with this everyday, we would all be off the charts happy. When you are married to a firefighter, you often feel lonely, but you can also feel stuck. Especially if you have little kids that you are predominately responsible for. When your "BPA" is not being filled up you can long for something and not know what it is. Let's be honest here. Our guys take up a lot of time. But you need to start caring for yourself. I gained weight, a lot of it, over a period of about 9 years. The reason why I couldn't lose weight was because my mind body and spirit is tired of me trying and going on extreme diets. I'd go on an extreme diet for two weeks and my weight wouldn't budge. That is because while some diets work for some people, I need to follow a low carb and lower calorie way of eating. Thanks, or no thanks to all these crazy diet gurus that have messed with our minds for the past couple of decades, we as a nation have stopped "intuitive eating." Your body knows what it needs. So now I follow my own D.O.S.E. remedy. It's about getting all the pleasure centers of my brain going so that I feel good and even more optimistic. I'll talk more about this soon as I am currently losing weight MY WAY. No prescriptions for me. I was thinking the other day, our entire country is obsessed with weight loss to the point of our souls feeling ashamed while simultaneously loving cooking shows! We need to stop doing without and need to live with pleasure, every meal! There is nothing wrong with loving food! This is my journey for a while and I'll share it with you. XO

Make Yourself a Priority

As I put the finishing touches on my Fire Wife book, I am recounting two interviews I did with my friends who are also fire wives. Both of them have said that because a fire marriage is not an easy one, you have to really make yourself a priority. My friend Leanne cannot emphasize enough how important it is to make friends with the other women whose husbands share the same shift as yours. My other friend Tara, made herself a priority by focusing on her career once her children grew up. Both women feel filled up and very happy. Every week it is so important that as fire wives you are checking in with yourself and remembering what you need to be happy and filled up. It could be like Leanne and finding camaraderie with other fire wives satisfying, it could also be like Tara prioritizing your long awaited career and dreams. Whatever it is for you, take time to make sure that you are getting what you need. Time to yourself early in the morning? Exercise? Networking with others? I applaud you for who you are. As we know this life can be grueling in some respects, but it is also very rewarding and very fun. Make yourself a priority. XO

Happy New Dreams!

It might be January 3rd, but the truth is, I'm still playing Christmas music, I've still got my tree up (until this weekend) and I am still taking it easy. Though the menu plan has improved and I'm going to boot camp tonight, this week is very special to me. Though I celebrate and live my faith all year long, I still can't let the romance of the season slip past me without totally immersing myself in it. I don't want to say, wow, that went fast: you shop, you visit and eat and before you know it, it's all over! Christmas for me is divided up into three parts. Besides the obvious reason for the season, the first part is of course, The Frenzie (we shop, we drop). The second part is for Family (Christmas parties, Christmas Eve, Christmas Dinner) and then the third part I have deemed, FOR ME! While I absolutely love and feel spiritually full after the season, this is my time for a new journal, a new vision scrapbook and a new chapter. Also, I like to participate in the popular tradition of picking a word that will represent the year ahead but also a word that I can rely on and refer to throughout the year. I actually picked two words, as I always do: Chosen and Captain. The word chosen refers to a Bible passage, Mathew 22:14 "many are called but few are chosen." One has to really study this verse because the end is quite brutal but it is a parable after all and it is Jesus explaining it. When you are chosen it is because, I believe, you want to raise your standard for how you live, how you behave and how you treat others. More than that however I think it is about who is willing to come to the banquet that has been prepared for you, who is willing to partake and participate, to dress up for the King. The word Captain is about me navigating my own life, my ship. That I am the Captain of my own life, a co-Captain actually to my God, but a Captain. Then something funny happened on New Year's Eve. The word Crochet popped into my head and I just had this desire and urge to do it. So I watched a tutorial online, picked up some yarn and a crochet hook and I'm almost done a scarf. I think it looks pretty good for a beginner! I feel like this might be leading me somewhere!!! So my dear girl, woman, fire wife, I hope you find your word for the year, I hope you write down your dreams and goals and I wish you the Happiest of all New Years! I will be publishing my book this year and I can hardly wait. I might change the title, but the book of course is still the same, and it's for you. XO

Recurring Emotional Stress for Fire Wives

Fire Wives at one time or another will experience PTS (post traumatic stress) just because she is married to a firefighter. While what he sees each and everyday would destroy me, the type of PTS I'm speaking of is of an interpersonal level. Whatever he experiences or whatever he puts you through, he will transmit it and you will absorb it. It took me years to finally learn how to detach and let go some of the darker side that fire life can clobber you with. My husband went through a serious health crisis, had to take medications and subsequently had a personality change because of what was prescribed to him. We went through a couple of tough years there. I felt as though I didn't know my husband any longer. Fortunately we worked through it. We had counselling, we both improved our communication and expressing our needs and my husband went the natural way and no longer takes any prescriptions. Sometimes I'm amazed that we made it through. As for me, a fire wife, my God we endure a lot. But we are strong, we are indomitable and we know how to fight for our marriages  because we can see the forest through the trees and the much bigger picture of a great future together. As you know, many fire couples don't make it. But when you have two willing participants who work at healing both themselves and the marriage, you will be better than fine. Just hold on. Those winter periods feel uncertain, but please remember Spring is right around the corner.  The most important thing is that you take care of you first so that you operate from both a strong and a healthy place when you  begin to work on your marriage. Our marriages can be pretty overwhelming and intense with the focus mostly on your man. But I'm hear to tell you, you have to put yourself first. You have a life of your own and you must take care of you so you can also take care of him. I'm currently working with an editor on my book about fire marriages. I think it will really help so many couples. I can't wait to meet all of you out there when it's done and I visit your city. XO

Forbearance and the Fire Wife

I have a pack of virtues cards and love to sit by myself in the morning to choose two to see what character traits to practice and every time I pick a card it is never surprising but always incredible that I pick the ones I truly need. In this case the virtue of Forbearance has popped up everyday for the past week. One week and two days ago my Dad passed away on May 22, 2018 at 9:30 am. In the same month my husband was admitted to the emergency because his white blood cell count was at a zero. It's been a month filled with emotional overload, sadness, disillusionment and malaise. This morning I stayed in bed a little longer than normal feeling forlorn for all the things I've sacrificed at the expense of my own authentic life path. While I am an optimist and am flexible and fitting when life takes it's turns, when my husband's health once again changes the trajectory of our lives, I keep wondering when MY Spring time is coming? I keep getting dragged back into the end of winter from choices made by others that are unwise but ultimately affect my path, my journey and my disposition.  Yesterday I bumped into a married couple who I was once very good friends with. My husband's schedule and his devotion to only his own meant that friendship with these two fell onto the back burner and then got boxed up and put into the attic. The part of me that used to host parties with people that reflected my history and my interests are gone. There was something worldly, exciting and healthy about seeing my old friends. We laughed so easily and the conversation flowed as though it never stopped like a good bottle of red wine around a sturdy round wooden table. I envied their normal lives. While I have many beautiful supportive female friends, our couple friends outside of the fire life have grown and nurtured relationships with other couples outside of the fire service. I envy their normal lives and having this envy is obviously a part of my soul nudging me on for something more to bring forth what I've sacrificed burying an important part of me. And while I'd love to have other couples over, I'm afraid my husband's moody firefighter personality might treat them like they are his subordinates. There is a lot to think about. Yesterday my eldest son told me about the new Kanye West album and mentioned that there was a song on there dedicated to his wife Kim who has put up with so much from his bipolar personality. I think my son, witnessing what has been going on told me that story to give me hope. The virtue of forbearance means to be patient, to be courageous while in pain and while facing adversity it is acceptance in trying circumstances. Forbearance put another way means, long-suffering which in turn builds resilience. My astrology said that there would be relationship issues that would continue this year but eventually get better. I guess it is during these times and in the middle of forbearance we still must promise ourselves that we continue each day on the road of our dreams and when we are unhappy and long suffering, stay silent and restrain those angry emotions and feelings of being ripped off to endure the labor of wisdom being born. It is painful. I want to lash out at my husband for his repeated self-inflicted health problems but that would have unpleasant consequences. So today I will pray. I think with my father passing, I am simply seeing the reality of my life more clearly, what I've endured, sacrificed and put up with being married to a firefighter. Things I must change. There are places I must go and people I want to have back in my life. God willing, you've been good to me all of my life, please give me the courage to know how to deal with this firefighter of mine. We definitely need a new vision for our marriage.