Lessons in Isolation

There is a lot to be concerned about right now - from world economics to more locally small businesses that are suffering as well as human beings, particularly women and children in domestic abuse situations and families who are not getting enough to eat. Yes, there is a lot to worry about.  However, for those of us whose family members are on the front lines, who are still receiving a pay cheque and have benefits if they fall ill, the question I asked myself this morning was, what can I do to help others right now. Whether it be someone who is isolating alone and could use a phone call, or the local food banks that need money and non-perishables, we can all, even if we can't get on the front lines to help, do something. Today I will call some friends who I know are alone. I will also send money to help with the food bank and then order some items from small businesses in my community to do my part in helping them to stay afloat. Times are tough but ask yourself today, what can I do, what is in my control to reach out and do something to help others today. As a fire family it's in our DNA to reach out. If we all do our part, we can help others get through these most challenging times. There is and always will be a gift in everything when we get through this. Let's remember the events of the past and become better for it. God speed my friends. Talk soon. XOXO

It'll All Work Out!

The other day I talked about some resentment that bubbled up for me and was affecting me greatly during this time of sequester.. What I loved about this feeling bubbling up was that it was simply an invitation to deal with something that was obviously bothering me deep down and felt with a big exclamation mark because of the circumstances we are currently in. In my book Fire Wife, Standing Strong in Your Relationship, Your Life and Your Dreams, I talk about blocks that keep us from our authentic, full and happy selves.

So rather than push these feelings down with a reprimand so that I could pretend that my good girl heart doesn't feel these things, I welcomed this feeling to the table with a journal and a pen to work this thing out. For days and for days I wrote out pages and pages of frustration and I was actually surprised at how many pages and for how many days I wrote about my frustrations! But I feel better now and if you are feeling frustrated I know you will too! We are living in really tough times, but there is a gift in everything. Below I've written out 5 ways I returned to both love and peace.


Step 1.  Get it out!  Write it out and do not stop. It might take days and days (of course yes you will go to sleep in between) but just get it out, swear words, anger, resentments and all. Keep in mind that while you are an incredible person, you are still just a human being - equal parts both flawed and fabulous. We all feel bad feelings toward others from time to time - that is normal. What is not normal is holding onto bad feelings. It's bad for your mental, physical, and emotional health and bad for your relationships.  Take charge and write it out!

In taking the time to write I realized after several days that I needed to polish off my feelings of KINDNESS toward this person. I'd lost my way by allowing ego and anger to cloud this very important virtue.

In life there is only either love or fear.

We feel angry and resentful when we have fear. What are you fearing? Loss? The end of your dream as you knew it? Loss of space and privacy in your home?  Determine your fears and then take the time to review why you are feeling fear. When I addressed my fears, I related them to other times in my life when I felt fear, but things worked out better than I imagined in the future. This is when the activity of creating a timeline is a good idea.  Do a timeline of your life and review it because it will reassure you. Note the times when things didn't go well and then take note of the times when they did after you thought they wouldn't.  Our fear is usually in thinking life will not get better. It will!

Step 2.  This is only a test.  My faith plays a big part in my working things out and in the remembering and realizing that this situation will not last forever but IN FACT if I allow this moment in history to positively transform me, and to learn the vital life lessons I need to learn,  not only will I come through it better as a person but with a much brighter and happier perspective about life, love and people in general.  You might not feel positive or happy right now, but trust me, you will not feel this way forever. Take time to pamper yourself in little ways and just keep in mind that you will look back at this time in history and shake your head in amazement for what you endured and got through.

Step 3.  Your loss is temporary. I  remembered a time many years ago when my husband was very ill and I thought that "the good life" as we knew it was over and out. This is just not true. Hope, trust and idealism, particularly in the worst of days, is a big damn deal. And not on a superficial level either. What we are going through is just a life test on the way to even more abundance and prosperity. This is the Law of Attraction and the Law of Compensation. Never lose your hope that you will get double for your trouble in the future. This is not all there is!  After my husband recovered, and after we went through serious emotional and financial trials, not only did we 10 years later, go on a dream trip to Europe, but I finished my book. You will be happy again and life will be better again. Everything you lost will come back to you doubled or even tripled. Just don't lose hope or faith.  Study life laws while you are sequestered. It might be one of the best things you ever do!  Stay the course. Also, study "the greatest generation." These people made it through two world wars and the depression with some of the best inventions coming out of this time. Maybe it's time to dust off your long forgotten great ideas and dreams and do something about them.  See yourself as the comeback kid. Work hard and make the necessary changes to get through these difficult times but don't be too drastic because of panic or worry. Calm your mind with meditation a good walk and keep in mind a positive future vision for good times ahead.

Step 4.  Being sidetracked or blindsided will not change your destiny. Big world changes will not change the universal fact that your life has purpose,  that you have dreams, a bucket list you will complete, or a magnificent destiny. Once again this is just a test. However, it's during these big world tests that you might actually find another purpose for your life.  In my book I talked about my life changing drastically when my husband wanted to be a firefighter when I had plans to finish my media and communications degree.  While I did not get my media and communications degree, I did write a book about my experience as a reluctant fire wife to help other women who needed to live their dreams and have a life of their own too apart from the fire service! When we accept that plan A doesn't always work out and that we sometimes have to be flexible so Plan B, C or D can emerge instead, you will realize that Plan A just means you need Another plan, and B,C and D just means Best Choice Darling! Don't hold on to what was or what you hoped for at the expense of something unexpected but better. The universe does this to all of us sometimes but learning to surrender, learning to accept what is are very important practices for these times. We all have to make editorial changes to our lives from time to time and most of the time it is to prune what never really worked for us in the first place.

Step 5.  Lastly, nothing lasts forever  the good or bad. I told both my sons the other day that these are the good old days. With my 76 year old Mother now living with us - we moved her in almost a year ago and into my once upon a time office space, our two adult sons currently living at home while they save money to buy their respective condos in unaffordable Vancouver, their girlfriends who are over all the time, 2 dogs that have mucked up my hardwood floors, my husband who occupies our bedroom upstairs most of the time to zone out and watch all his red neck shows, and with me, trying to do my writing and work in the middle of the living room with the never ending swirl of activity as I try to think and create, I don't take for granted that I will one day look back at these days and remember them with enormous love and fondness. Are we squished on three floors? Oh yes. Does it take me three times as long to do any writing because of all the noise? Oh yes. But I have worked out my harsher feelings with these 5 steps and have most definitely learned the lessons of the past that we must embrace where we are right now, chaos, uncertainty and all. This will all be a memory one day and like I told my boys, this house is currently a launching pad for everyone's dreams! Life is good. Life will work out. And if you stay the course and stay positive and hopeful, you will be rewarded because the universe's abundant energy flow will be able to "download" itself into your unblocked spirit. It's the way life works.

Paying Attention to Feelings in Times of Sequester

Well life as we know it at this moment in history has certainly changed. We can either look at it as cozy and contented at home or confinement at home! If you are anything like me, possibly without all of the distractions of say shopping, lunch out with the girls, or a browse through the bookstore, thoughts are coming up that you usually suppress with outside distractions. For me I've been surprised by thoughts of resentment that I am having. I kept a happy disposition for the most part and could just run out and replace my resentment with something external and materialistic like a stack of new books - oh how I love my books. But now that we are right here right now unable to run away from our thoughts whatever they may be as there is not much else we can do but just be with ourselves, what might be coming up for you?

Being sequestered or isolated as they say on the news is an invitation to look deep within and address anything that needs addressing?

I realized that my resentment stemmed from feeling overly responsible to others. It is a trait that was bestowed on me since the time I was young and it is now taking it's toll.

This week I personally am going to try shaking feeling overly responsible for others and find a way to balance this out in a healthy feel good way. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this or how it will look but I will report any new insights I find on it!

So what is coming up for you and how would you like to address your feelings to become and feel better about yourself? You deserve to feel optimal my dear Fire Wife! Let's do this! XOXO

Dreams of Your Own

The trajectory of my life changed drastically when my husband wanted to become a firefighter. I had been going to college to get my media degree when he made this announcement. To say I was unhappy about his choice was an understatement. Since then however, I managed to turn what I perceived as a negative into a positive....and not in a Pollyanna way. I would come to realize that sometimes we aren't in charge of our calling. While I might have wanted to get into the media and communications field, that's not what God had in mind. Let's not forget that God wants us to trust him and he promises that he will turn all of our challenges, our hurt, our disillusionment, our failures, into something GOOD! I see this now. My book, Fire Wife, Indomitable Standing Strong in my Marriage, my Life and my Dreams is soon to be published. I am super proud of it....though I could still add some things and take some things out, it's time to let it go. It is my first book and I've many more to come. So yes, while my life trajectory was changed my goals and dreams morphed into something else, I am still using all of my skills, experience and writing. I am grateful, I am happy and I get it. Grow where you are planted my friend and trust. It'll all work out and even better than you thought it would. Persevere. XO

Finally Getting Back to Normal

Good morning! It's a beautiful day here already on the West Coast! I went to my doctor the other day to get more blood tests to see WHY I CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT! My doctor wrote out a requisition for blood tests and then handed me a prescription for diet pills. Can you believe it? While I'm judging people who've had to take drastic measures, the idea of numbing the pleasure center part of my brain with an anti-depressant seriously horrified me. It horrified me because I'd just had a revelation the week prior that I think women who are overweight are just a whole lot of pleasure with no where to go. In fact I think a woman's natural state needs to be fulfilled with beauty,  adventure and pleasure. If we filled ourselves up with this everyday, we would all be off the charts happy. When you are married to a firefighter, you often feel lonely, but you can also feel stuck. Especially if you have little kids that you are predominately responsible for. When your "BPA" is not being filled up you can long for something and not know what it is. Let's be honest here. Our guys take up a lot of time. But you need to start caring for yourself. I gained weight, a lot of it, over a period of about 9 years. The reason why I couldn't lose weight was because my mind body and spirit is tired of me trying and going on extreme diets. I'd go on an extreme diet for two weeks and my weight wouldn't budge. That is because while some diets work for some people, I need to follow a low carb and lower calorie way of eating. Thanks, or no thanks to all these crazy diet gurus that have messed with our minds for the past couple of decades, we as a nation have stopped "intuitive eating." Your body knows what it needs. So now I follow my own D.O.S.E. remedy. It's about getting all the pleasure centers of my brain going so that I feel good and even more optimistic. I'll talk more about this soon as I am currently losing weight MY WAY. No prescriptions for me. I was thinking the other day, our entire country is obsessed with weight loss to the point of our souls feeling ashamed while simultaneously loving cooking shows! We need to stop doing without and need to live with pleasure, every meal! There is nothing wrong with loving food! This is my journey for a while and I'll share it with you. XO

Make Yourself a Priority

As I put the finishing touches on my Fire Wife book, I am recounting two interviews I did with my friends who are also fire wives. Both of them have said that because a fire marriage is not an easy one, you have to really make yourself a priority. My friend Leanne cannot emphasize enough how important it is to make friends with the other women whose husbands share the same shift as yours. My other friend Tara, made herself a priority by focusing on her career once her children grew up. Both women feel filled up and very happy. Every week it is so important that as fire wives you are checking in with yourself and remembering what you need to be happy and filled up. It could be like Leanne and finding camaraderie with other fire wives satisfying, it could also be like Tara prioritizing your long awaited career and dreams. Whatever it is for you, take time to make sure that you are getting what you need. Time to yourself early in the morning? Exercise? Networking with others? I applaud you for who you are. As we know this life can be grueling in some respects, but it is also very rewarding and very fun. Make yourself a priority. XO

Happy New Dreams!

It might be January 3rd, but the truth is, I'm still playing Christmas music, I've still got my tree up (until this weekend) and I am still taking it easy. Though the menu plan has improved and I'm going to boot camp tonight, this week is very special to me. Though I celebrate and live my faith all year long, I still can't let the romance of the season slip past me without totally immersing myself in it. I don't want to say, wow, that went fast: you shop, you visit and eat and before you know it, it's all over! Christmas for me is divided up into three parts. Besides the obvious reason for the season, the first part is of course, The Frenzie (we shop, we drop). The second part is for Family (Christmas parties, Christmas Eve, Christmas Dinner) and then the third part I have deemed, FOR ME! While I absolutely love and feel spiritually full after the season, this is my time for a new journal, a new vision scrapbook and a new chapter. Also, I like to participate in the popular tradition of picking a word that will represent the year ahead but also a word that I can rely on and refer to throughout the year. I actually picked two words, as I always do: Chosen and Captain. The word chosen refers to a Bible passage, Mathew 22:14 "many are called but few are chosen." One has to really study this verse because the end is quite brutal but it is a parable after all and it is Jesus explaining it. When you are chosen it is because, I believe, you want to raise your standard for how you live, how you behave and how you treat others. More than that however I think it is about who is willing to come to the banquet that has been prepared for you, who is willing to partake and participate, to dress up for the King. The word Captain is about me navigating my own life, my ship. That I am the Captain of my own life, a co-Captain actually to my God, but a Captain. Then something funny happened on New Year's Eve. The word Crochet popped into my head and I just had this desire and urge to do it. So I watched a tutorial online, picked up some yarn and a crochet hook and I'm almost done a scarf. I think it looks pretty good for a beginner! I feel like this might be leading me somewhere!!! So my dear girl, woman, fire wife, I hope you find your word for the year, I hope you write down your dreams and goals and I wish you the Happiest of all New Years! I will be publishing my book this year and I can hardly wait. I might change the title, but the book of course is still the same, and it's for you. XO